Monster Movie of the Week: Signs (2002)

SIGNS (2002)

Genre: Sci-Fi/Suspense

Director: M. Night Shyamalan

Country: USA

THE MOVIE

For the most part, the movies we’ve looked at in this column have featured Gratuitous Monster Action, which begs the question: How many minutes of monster action are required to make a monster movie? M. Night Shymalan’s Signs shows very little monster action, with the exception of a rather anti-climactic money-shot at the end of the movie. For the rest of the movie the presence of the monsters is felt without actually seeing them. And there are even a couple of very intense scenes in which we catch a frightening glimpse of a foot disappearing into a cornfield, or a shadow under a door or a very pixilated shape on a TV screen. So without actually showing much monster, Signs is far more scary and effective than your average monster movie. I guess the difference is like to that of erotica and full on porn (the monster equivalent of that would probably Godzilla: Final Wars.)

Signs is one of the most masterfully suspenseful movies ever made and is the work of a great director whose ego had not yet outweighed his talent. It is an interesting take on a genre we have seen many times before. What is Signs after all but a very scaled down version of Independence Day or War of the Worlds? It is the familiar alien invasion film but from the point of view of a rural family. There are no monuments to destroy, only one family and their home.

As good as the movie is, it does betray some of the flaws that have bogged down Shyamalan's subsequent movies. There is some clunky plotting and an attempt to make a faux twist-ending ("Swing Merril, Swing!") and attempts to shoehorn the story into the director's "vision" for the movie. For a movie that is called signs, and that featured crop circles prominently in its ad campaign, the movie really has little to do with them. Despite the director's contrivances the movie succeeds, and Signs is perhaps Shyamalan's most crowd-pleasing and enjoyable movie to date.

Maybe you should think about putting some damn clothes on.

THE MONSTER/EFFECTS

The monster is nothing really new or interesting. It is essentially a buffed up version of the typical grey/reptoid seen in movies and tv over the last forty years or so. It is actually quite reminiscent of the alien featured in the first X-Files movie. The main difference is that this one is able to camouflage itself.

This movie does feature some of the most hilariously unprepared aliens since War of the Worlds. You would think that if you have a dangerous aversion to water, that you would wear some kind of environment suit if you are coming to a planet that is 70% covered in the stuff. What would have happened if it had rained during their invasion?

In retrospect....

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT

I think the pantry scene is brilliant. Mel Gibson’s character enters a kitchen having been told that an alien has been locked in the pantry. We can see that something is moving around in there. The character is terrified. The audience is terrified. We’re all torn between fear and curiosity. He spends a few moments trying to figure out what to do. Finally he grabs a knife and attempts to get a look under the door…

It’s one of the scariest scenes in any movie. So good.

SEQUELS

None.

HOME VIDEO AVAILABILITY

Widely available on DVD.

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Monster Movie of the Week: Primeval (2006)

PRIMEVAL (2006)

Director: Michael Katleman

Genre: Natural horror

THE MOVIE

Sadly, not every animal will see its day as an oversized monster in a b-movie. For example, you probably will never see a movie about a giant tarsier that runs amok, killing hundreds of people. There seem to be no shortage however of movies about man-eating alligators and crocodiles. One of the most recent is Primeval and the twist here is that it is based on a true story. The movie was released in 2006 with a truly inept ad campaign that tried to sell the movie as a serial killer thriller.

Domenic Purcell plays a hotshot journalist who is incapable of using more than three buttons on his shirt. He is sent to the African nation of Burundi to cover the “sensational” story of Gustave, a killer croc and his network’s attempts to catch it. Along for the ride is his wisecracking cameraman, a female scientist and a Crocodile Hunter wannabe. They are soon trying to survive not only Gustave but the various warlords and factions vying for control of the area.

The movie is set in Burundi and the overarching theme is that the years of bloodshed and violence have literally fed this monstrous crocodile that has developed a taste for human flesh from feeding on the victims of war and genocide. The movie merges a story about the socio-political situation in Africa with a monster movie about a rampaging 30 foot crocodile. While I think that this is somehow fundamentally exploitative and trivializing, there is something about the allegory of it that works very well. Who said monsters were supposed to be subtle anyway?

THE MONSTER/EFFECTS:

Gustave is basically a big crocodile. So if you’ve seen one on TV or at a zoo you know what to expect. Only really big. He is realized primarily through CGI. Not fantastic effects but pretty good.

MONSTERS FEATURED:

Gustave.

HOME VIDEO AVAILABILITY:

Widely available on DVD. There are some nice extras, including a featurette about how the croc was brought to life.

Also available on Bluray.

MOST MEMORABLE SEQUENCE:

Gustave charging across the savanna in pursuit of Orlando Jones. You may have different reactions to this scene depending on how you feel about the often annoying former MadTV cast member and 7-UP spokesman.

7-UP yours, Orlando Jones.

SEQUELS

None.

SEE ALSO

Primeval is part of a long line of crocsploitation movies.

See:

Alligator 1980, Lake Placid 1999, Rogue 2007

Just to name a few. Rogue, in particular is quite good.

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Hey Have You Seen The New Mortal Kombat: Rebirth Trailer?

First thing I should say is that this isn't a trailer to a new Mortal Kombat movie. There is not a new Mortal Kombat movie being made.........yet. However there has been a lot of positive feedback to this teaser called Mortal Kombat: Rebirth that it may happen at some point in the near future. This is a teaser/visual pitch to Warner Bros. by a director named Kevin Tancharoen who wants to make a new Mortal Kombat movie.

The first time I saw it I didn't have an all out nerd-gasm but I definitely had to readjust my Green Lantern underwear. What will probably stick out to you the most after you watch this is that they're going for a more realistic approach. Apparently we had a bit of a problem believing this before:

That's Christopher Lambert as Raiden from the original Mortal Kombat movie. I believe that picture was taken at a HotShots Hot Spot Photo Shop in a Waukegan strip mall.

No the new Mortal Kombat characters are going to be looking like this:

That's Reptile. Go ahead and mention to him that he got some shit on his face. Let me know how that works out for you.

Real quick, the problems that I did have with this teaser are pretty small. The recognizable actors, Michael Jai White aka Jax (aka Black Dynamite!) don't do any fighting onscreen. I have no idea who the actors are who are playing Johnny Cage, Scorpion, and Baraka so I don't know if they can actually act. They look like they can whoop that ass though. My biggest complaint is that I'm really not crazy about *Baraka's look.


Baraka looks like a cross between Lil' Wayne, and....well shit Lil' Wayne. Don't believe me?



But those are things I can let slide. If this is the direction that they're going to take a new Mortal Kombat movie than I'm in. I'll make sure to buy more Green Lantern underwear to prepare myself. What say you?

You can read an interview with the director of the teaser here where he explains how he would handle the new Mortal Kombat film.

*You can also really impress me by coming up with a Halloween Baraka Obama costume.

Monster Movie of the Week: Alien 3 (1992)

Alien3 (1992)

Director: David Fincher

Genre: SciFi/Body Horror/Suspense

THE MOVIE

I grew up with the Alien movies. As a small child, I saw Alien on TV and loved it. When I was a little older my uncle took me to see Aliens and it became one of my favorite movies. As a seventeen year old, I was crazy psyched to see Alien3. Early looks at the movie promised that the Aliens would come to earth, the ads promised “three times” everything, and that “the bitch” would be back. I was already conditioned to expect any sequel to be twice as big and spectacular as the last one, much in the same way that Aliens was pumped up balls out version of Alien. However, Alien3 turned out to be a completely different creature than the other two movies. Instead of a hardcore action movie like its predecessor it is a moody and existential suspense movie that killed off most of the characters you came to care about in the previous movie. In fact, it has more in common with Ridley Scott’s movie than with James Cameron’s. For that reason, many people don’t like it; they feel that Alien3 is a step backwards in the series. But you have to admire a movie that is ballsy enough to give you something other than what you want or expect. One of the strengths of the Alien series is that each movie was worked on by a different gifted director with a different take on the material.

In this movie, Ripley often looks as though she is going to break out into "The Emperor's New Clothes."

Alien3 was the first feature of director David Fincher, who went on to make such movies as Fight Club and 7 both of which share a certain grimy visual style with his first movie. Alien3 was an extremely troubled production from the beginning. It had literally gone though a half a dozen distinct stories and over a dozen writers before settling on the final story. An early draft was written by science fiction writer William Gibson and focused on Hicks and Bishop and an alternative reproduction cycle for the Aliens. At one point, another version of the the movie was to be directed by Vincent Ward and to have taken place on a wooden planet on which lived a population of monks. At one point, the monks were going to be dwarves and there were going to have been seven of them. I suspect at some point there may not have been an Alien in the movie at all.

So the final script for Alien3 was distilled from many different sources, apparently by committee. And even the later drafts must have been significantly different, as proved by the teaser trailer that indicated that the movie would be set on Earth. So, Fincher was ultimately hired as an inexperienced director who would likely be easily controlled by the studio and to this day he doesn’t talk about the movie at all. He was the only series director to refuse to do a commentary for the Alien Legacy DVD boxed set.

Even the movie as it was filmed would have been significantly different. I remember at the time that Charles Dutton had said something to the effect that “The movie in the theater was not the movie we filmed.” Luckily you can now get a glimpse of this in the great Alien Legacy and the Alien Anthology Bluray set which includes an alternate and in many ways superior “Assembly Cut” of the movie which is about a half hour longer and includes numerous subplots and alternate story points.

I've been on this date. It's not fun.

The decision to have Ripley host the Alien was controversial but I think ultimately a good way to (at the time) end the series. It also brings the body horror of the Alien to the forefront. The movie then becomes about mortality and existential horror. Even the briefly reanimated Bishop gets emo: “I’ll never be top of the line again. I’d rather be nothing.” This is another horror movie that addresses the AIDS epidemic in an allegorical way as it is a story of someone who has a malignant presence in their body that will ultimately kill them. In 1992 that would have been a clear reference to the epidemic.

For me, as a teenager, the movie actually appealed to me in a totally different way than the others. I actually thought it was really cool. It was very dark and vaguely goth and punk. It was a very early ‘90’s kind of movie. And while the ending was a downer it was also very beautiful and tragic. Although it is clearly a flawed movie, Fincher’s brilliance shines through and I will always have a special affection for Alien3.

THE MONSTER/EFFECTS

The Alien got a redesign in this movie, the justification being that it came from a quadruped host. This Alien, while smaller than the others, was the fastest and most deadly yet. This movie actually boasts the best Alien effects we would see until Alien vs. Predator twelve years later. A common misconception was that this movie featured an early version digital Alien but it was actually a combination of suitmation and a rod puppet that was digitally composited into live action shots.

It also returns to the smooth-domed Ridley Scott style head as opposed to the Cameron head ridges. Here, the body is a roachy brown color which goes well with the rusty prison facility. The back tubes from the previous movies are gone for a more streamlined effect.

HOME VIDEO AVAILABILITY

This movie is widely available on DVD on its own or in few different Alien boxed sets. As I stated above the Legacy and Anthology sets features the “Assembly Cut” which is definitely worth seeing. And I believe it is available in the single two-disc version as well.

The “Assembly Cut” is different in a few ways:

A lot the shots having to do with Ripley’s crash are much different. In the assembly cut she and the escape pod wash ashore. The pod is pulled back to the facility by oxen and it gives the planet a low tech effect.

There is a newly designed facehugger found, meant to represent the queen facehugger.

The chestburster comes out of an ox and not a dog.

There is an elaborate scene in which the prisoners succeed in capturing the Alien until it is let loose by the crazy prisoner.

The Alien does not hatch from Ripley’s chest as she dives into the melting pit at the end.

There are more character scenes overall in the assembly cut.

MOST MEMORABLE SEQUENCE

I like the scene (in the theatrical cut) in which the Alien hatches from the dog which is intercut with Hicks and Newt being thrown into the melting pit as Dillon eulogizes them.

SEQUELS

Alien Resurrection 1997

TEASER TRAILER

Misleading, Alien-style teaser.

Iphone, therefore I blah blah blah.

The following are my set of questions that I was going to ask Steve Jobs at the unveiling of the new Iphone at the Worldwide Developers Conference being held yesterday in San Francisco. Shortly thereafter I realized I did not have the opportunity nor was I invited nor did I intend to be at the unveiling of the new Iphone at the Worldwide Developers Conference being held yesterday in San Francisco.

Nonetheless here are the questions:

Now just to confirm it is a phone correct?

Hey Coldblood, Monday mornings are a motherfucker am I right?

Are all of the numbers on the keypad the same as the previous version or did you make some new numbers up for this go around?

Yes but can it pay my rent? Can I hump it?

Is it true your middle name is "I Don't Need No"?

Follow up question to the numbers keypad question: Are the numbers in the same order as well?

How often do you get together with other CEO's and say, "Man this BP CEO's a real dumb ass, am I right folks!"

Did you see the ending of LOST? That shit was crazy?

You ever consider an "app" called "Snapps!" and it just talks about how your momma be tripping? No not my mom your mom.

Is it true your middle name is "Fuck All Y'all Jobby" as in Steve "Fuck All Y'all Jobby" Jobs?

Follow up question to the follow up numbers keypad question as well as follow up question to LOST: Hey how come you just didn't you use the numbers from LOST on the keypad?

Your company's name is Apple right? You the boss right? Then answer me as to why ain't you made a phone in the form of an apple?

Is it true that the original name for the Ipad was the Iwontgiveafuck?

How come you didn't put out a hit on that one guy who was all like "Ooooh, look at me. I found the new Iphone early and I'm online with it wow look at me."?

What words of sympathy and condolence do you have for those new Iphone users who are coming home to an old cellphone that's either hung, shot, or shit itself to death due to its inevitable outdated-ness?

How long before Apple finally unveils the Iboobies?

If you're one of the great minds and innovators of modern times then how can Dr. Octagon be Halfsharkalligatorhalfman and not you?

I planned to get arrested on this last question (or maybe the Iboobies one, I'm not sure) and then as I was being dragged out of the building I was going to look directly at the news camera recording the whole event, throw security completely off of me, throw on my commemorative Prince 1999 purple sequin trench coat with matching glasses (the glasses are original), throw up the Wu Tang "W" and yell "Chi-city jukin' for life!" as I flew off in a jet pack.

Now don't you wish I would have been there.

Monster Movie of the Week: Pumpkinhead (1989)

PUMPKINHEAD (1989)

Director: Stan Winston

Genre: Horror/Revenge

THE MOVIE

When it comes to creature effects from the 1980’s on, there is one artist who towers over the rest: Stan Winston. Winston designed and realized monster effects for such films as The Terminator, Aliens, Predator, Jurassic Park and many other classic monster movies. In 1989 Winston made his directorial debut with Pumpkinhead, a country-fried supernatural revenge movie with an emphasis on creature effects. This is also one of the few starring roles for character actor Lance Henriksen’s weathered face and gravelly voice will be familiar to any genre fans from his supporting roles in movies like the Alien and Alien vs. Predator series, Near Dark and his starring role in the Chris Carter TV series Millenium. He’s a good actor and it’s nice to see him get to stretch his legs.

Henriksen plays a single father who owns a shop in a rural mountain community. When his young son is killed in an accident by a group of reckless young tourists he searches for a way to take revenge on them. He ultimately enlists the help of an old mountain witch who summons Pumpkinhead to take revenge on the teens. As Pumpkinhead slaughters the city folk, Henricksen’s character begins to see visions of the killings through the monster’s eyes and eventually grows disturbed by his increasingly symbiotic relationship with Pumpkinhead. He eventually decides to put a stop to it, shotgun style.

THE MONSTER/EFFECTS

Pumpkin head looks a bit like a cross between a human being and Giger’s Alien. He has an impossibly spindly body design that recalls the original costume in Alien. He also has an expressive, well-animated face. It is likely that the film was built around the idea of showcasing this monster and since the director’s background is in effects the movie does not stint on attention to the design and realization of the titular creature.

DVD AVIALABILITY

Widely available.

MOST MEMORABLE SEQUENCE

The “summoning” sequence is quite good and loans the film an almost Tim Burtonish fairy tale quality. In fact, it resemble Burton’s later Sleepy Hollow.

SEQUELS

Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings 1994

Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes 2006 (Cable)

Pumkinhead: Blood Feud 2007 (Cable)

TRIVIA

Henricksen, along with actor Bill Paxton, has the privilege of having been killed onscreen by an Alien, a Predator and a Terminator (although whether Bishop was actually “killed” by an Alien is debatable.)

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