HEAT

God I love Michael Mann’s “Heat”. I will kick you out of my goddamn apartment if you tell me you haven’t seen that movie. The following are conversations that have all happened in my apartment over the course of time and more often than not over the course of an evening:

MY AWESOME SELF: You haven’t seen “Goodfellas”???

SAD SOUL #1: No.

MY AWESOME SELF: Get the FUCKouttamyhouse!

MY AWESOME SELF: You haven’t seen “Do The Right Thing”???

SAD SOUL #2: No.

MY AWESOME SELF: Get the FUCKouttamyhouse!!!

MY AWESOME SELF: You haven’t seen “The Never Ending Story”???

SAD SOUL #3: No.

MY AWESOME SELF: Get. The. Fuck. Outta. My. HOUSE!!!!

I saw “Heat” at least 5 times in the theater when it was released in 1995 (the year of our Lord but more importantly the year of Kevin Spacey’s appearance as John Doe in “Seven”), I owned the double cassette VHS copy, the soundtrack, several posters, the laserdisc, the DVD, and now the Bluray. You know how much I love “Heat”? Last week I put it on with the volume down. I wasn’t even looking at it. I just wanted it in my peripheral. Then I had to go run errands and I didn’t turn it off. Why? Because what kind of crazy bitch takes the ice trays? No. Because I wanted to come home and look at my television and think, “Oh! Heat is on!” And I did. Cause I’m a genius. Go ahead and chest bump your monitor player, I love ya’.

My buddy/comedian Sean Flannery (my guy!) has two of my favorite Flannery arguments that always get under my skin and make my head explode in rage:

1. Stevie Wonder is overrated. (How would you react to that?)

2. “Heat” sucks.

My reaction to number 2 is almost identical to my reaction to number 1.

If you’ve never seen “Heat” Jesus Christ! Will you please handle that? Will you get on that? Or would you rather get the fuck outta my house because I have no problem kicking you out. Real talk, I’ll kick your ass out if you haven’t seen “Vampire In Brooklyn”***. If you have seen “Heat” Roger Ebert just tweeted a link to an article about it:

@ebertchicago: “Heat” deserves recognition as one of the all-time greatest crime films, sez my Cairo Correspondent Wael Khairy. http://bit.ly/f1Ab69

***I will not kick you out if you haven’t seen “Vampire In Brooklyn”. You can actually move in. “Vampire In Brooklyn” was released the same year as “Heat”. Also released to the public that year? My disappointment in Eddie Murphy.