Iphone, therefore I blah blah blah.

The following are my set of questions that I was going to ask Steve Jobs at the unveiling of the new Iphone at the Worldwide Developers Conference being held yesterday in San Francisco. Shortly thereafter I realized I did not have the opportunity nor was I invited nor did I intend to be at the unveiling of the new Iphone at the Worldwide Developers Conference being held yesterday in San Francisco.

Nonetheless here are the questions:

Now just to confirm it is a phone correct?

Hey Coldblood, Monday mornings are a motherfucker am I right?

Are all of the numbers on the keypad the same as the previous version or did you make some new numbers up for this go around?

Yes but can it pay my rent? Can I hump it?

Is it true your middle name is "I Don't Need No"?

Follow up question to the numbers keypad question: Are the numbers in the same order as well?

How often do you get together with other CEO's and say, "Man this BP CEO's a real dumb ass, am I right folks!"

Did you see the ending of LOST? That shit was crazy?

You ever consider an "app" called "Snapps!" and it just talks about how your momma be tripping? No not my mom your mom.

Is it true your middle name is "Fuck All Y'all Jobby" as in Steve "Fuck All Y'all Jobby" Jobs?

Follow up question to the follow up numbers keypad question as well as follow up question to LOST: Hey how come you just didn't you use the numbers from LOST on the keypad?

Your company's name is Apple right? You the boss right? Then answer me as to why ain't you made a phone in the form of an apple?

Is it true that the original name for the Ipad was the Iwontgiveafuck?

How come you didn't put out a hit on that one guy who was all like "Ooooh, look at me. I found the new Iphone early and I'm online with it wow look at me."?

What words of sympathy and condolence do you have for those new Iphone users who are coming home to an old cellphone that's either hung, shot, or shit itself to death due to its inevitable outdated-ness?

How long before Apple finally unveils the Iboobies?

If you're one of the great minds and innovators of modern times then how can Dr. Octagon be Halfsharkalligatorhalfman and not you?

I planned to get arrested on this last question (or maybe the Iboobies one, I'm not sure) and then as I was being dragged out of the building I was going to look directly at the news camera recording the whole event, throw security completely off of me, throw on my commemorative Prince 1999 purple sequin trench coat with matching glasses (the glasses are original), throw up the Wu Tang "W" and yell "Chi-city jukin' for life!" as I flew off in a jet pack.

Now don't you wish I would have been there.